Understanding Abuse Part 2

Sexual Abuse

One of the most devastating forms of power inflicted on children is sexual abuse. Molestation is any act of sexual power (overt or covert) that is forced upon a child under 18 years old. For too long our culture has defined sexual abuse in terms of genital contact. Sexual abuse can encompass any act of sexual power - from intercourse to voyeurism (being sexually leered at). Children were never designed by God to contain within their souls (and bodies) any form of adult sexual energy. This sexual power can leave different forms or intensities of destruction. This is manifested in how a child feels about his or her body, sense of protection, ability to trust, and personal safety.

Many adults who experienced sexual abuse as teenagers feel guilty and personally responsible, especially if pleasurable feelings arose in them. Also devastating can be the sad truth that legitimate longings for love, concern, and attention were met perversely by the abuser. Adults are solely responsible for their sexual energies and are accountable for misusing their power by crossing boundaries with children.

Healing

Defining abuse is much easier than summarizing the process of healing. That's because abuse affects every facet of one's being and there is no simplistic process to the healing of the soul. At the same time, healing is simple. It involves applying the restorative power of Jesus to the destruction, and calling the victim to live out of his or her true personhood.

The Wound

I see healing of the soul as two simultaneous processes. The first is allowing the Presence of Christ to enter the injured places - the memories, feelings, and beliefs that formed around the wound. An abusive experience untreated will have some form of defense around it. It can be a conscious or unconscious mechanism attempting to keep unbearable pain to a minimum, but the defense ironically keeps the wound from being healed. The Holy Spirit's desire is to enter the memory (the wound) and begin to heal the damage. This usually involves a time of grieving over the event. Most victims need a "season" of mourning the fact that a very bad thing happened. This is especially true when the person has repressed or suppressed memories and feelings.

As the pain is submitted to Christ, He takes it into Himself on the cross. With a consistent practice of bringing memories and feelings into the presence of the Lord, Jesus can begin to fill them in with truth, joy, objectivity, authority, and victory. The memory doesn't disappear - Jesus doesn't rewrite history - but the destructive residue left from the force of the abuse is cleansed out and replaced with His presence and healing intention.

Defenses

The second process of healing (ironically the area we wish not to face) is our defensive and/or sinful reactions to abuse. These are areas of personal responsibility. When fearlessly and humbly faced, the victim can choose to give them up. These defense mechanisms once served a purpose in childhood by covering the wounds. But like a cheap bandage, they have outlived their purpose and must be removed. Without their removal, the Lord will not have complete access to the injury. His desire to heal will be hindered, and we will continue to use the defenses to block future pain.

Some of these defenses are denial (not remembering or feeling), passivity and fear, taking personal responsibility where that responsibility belonged to another, secrecy, inner vows, compulsive behaviors and addictions, and not forgiving. Each of these areas must be soberly recognized in our lives and brought into the Lord's light. In the security of His presence, we can find the courage to let go of our old ways of defending ourselves.

The Long Road

God's love and faithfulness won't stop until He's finished with us. All the wounding from the past can find its end at the foot of the cross. To our amazement, like a sunrise overtaking darkness, the good things of life which were always an arms reach away can become our own. Life won't be perfect, but very good, filled with the joy and the fruit of the Spirit. Best of all, we become holy and obedient people of God.


www.desertstream.org

Understanding Sexual Abuse

Understanding Sexual Abuse
by Shawn Corkery

The subject of abuse has skyrocketed in the American consciousness over the past few years. It seems every month another scandal, court case, or testimony fills the airwaves. Such media saturation shocks us, and can eventually make us numb to the destruction accrued in so many people's lives.

No matter how overwhelming it may seem, abuse will not go away. The cork on denial has been lifted off, and will probably continue to saturate until our society.

Sadly, the secular world has little power to stop abuse or to provide powerful healing for victims. Social service agencies can provide some immediate help for victims but affords them no long-term solutions.

The good news for Christians is that we have a healing answer! Though not quick or simplistic, we have the real capacity to heal abuse. The answer is in the person and power of Jesus Christ. Unlike the world, which can rely only on human means, followers of Christ have One greater than themselves to help heal abuse. He enters into our pain and despair then leads us out of the destruction accrued from abuse. Jesus, whose divine nature and desire redeems humanity, can heal victims of abuse. Victimization can come to an end through Christ's intervention.

Defining Abuse

To help apply the Lord's power to this problem, we need to understand abuse better. Childhood abuse, in all forms, can be defined as any act of power that is forced upon a child that leaves destruction. A good image for this would be a weapon (a bullet, spear, arrow, etc.). A weapon's capacity for destruction can be determined by the amount of power behind it. A weapon first makes contact with a person's body at the skin - our outside defense. The weapon then makes its way inside the body where it leaves destruction (tears flesh, breaks bones). If a wound is not addressed properly, infection will eventually set in.

Abuse is like a weapon to the soul (body and spirit). It is any act - physical, sexual, emotional, spiritual, or neglect - with a force of power behind it, which penetrates personal safety and boundary, then enters the soul where it causes destruction. Because secrecy is usually needed for abuse to occur, most wounds go untreated, and become infected with shame, self-hatred, and spiritual oppression.

The power behind the act (or weapon) is the key factor. Abuse is measured not by the act itself, but by the destruction it leaves. It is very easy for adults to minimize their own childhood experiences of abuse by saying "Oh, it wasn't that bad. A lot of people had it worse than me." The problem is focusing on the event, not on the effects that it left in their hearts and souls. It would be like saying "I was only wounded by a pinprick," but the pin entered the body and punctured major nerves and arteries.

Part 2 to be continued...

Pinoy Youth Sexuality

Nowadays, it's not surprising to find unplanned pregnancies among teens, rampant promiscuity among the young peeps, and flavored condoms in your son's wallets (thanks to the ad). I think we've got the perfect recipe for such condition to fluorish - sex-crazed media, porn DVDs and mags sold like candy along sidewalks, unrestricted internet access (download K9 Web Filter please - it's for free), lousy values formation in schools, and the worst of all - parental neglect.

Take for example our neighbor here. This girl is only in her teens and sadly a product of a broken and disordered family. She is rebelling against her parents. One day we learned that she's already pregnant - much to the chagrin of her mom who also had the same experience in her youth (like mother like daughter?). As if that wasn't enough, her much younger sister followed suit, so both of them got pregnant at an age where they should still be attending school. Pitiful. I personally think that the parents are blameworthy in this case. Their parents are often at odds with each other and the fighting can sometimes get physical. Result? - a broken home and children rebelling against their parents. Even up to now, I would still hear this poor young lass having verbal confrontations with her mother - for all the people to hear. Sad, very sad.

The Filipino youths are indeed fast catching up with their counterparts in the western world when it comes to sexual permissiveness and promiscuity. Just take a look at these not-so surprising facts from a 2003 study involving 15-24 years old Filipinos which I happened to dig up from a mag I was reading the other night. These figures may have changed by now but nevertheless still quite alarming:

* Four out of ten (38%) young adults are in a live-in arrangement.
* Premarital sex was engaged in by 26% of those surveyed, statistically representing 3.8 M sexually active people.
* Young men showed higher prevalence of premarital sex (35%) than women (19%).
* Eleven percent have had homosexual experiences, of these, 87% are men.
* Rate of same sex relationships in women is 4%.
* Almost half of those who have had same-sex encounters also had commercial sex.
* Nineteen percent paid for sex; 11% were paid to do favors.
* Pinoy males are now willing to marry non-virgins.

(Source: Young Adult Fertility and Sexuality Study conducted by the U.P. Population Institute and Demography Research and Development Foundation)