Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

I'm no big fan of Whitney, but the title above is one of Whitney Houston's songs if you could still remember. I didn't know it was her song until a few nights ago after my sister gave me her old MP4 player (thanks a lot!). I just love playing the song over and over again especially the chorus part. I'm not brokenhearted as you might think (no lovelife here for the longest time now), but since it's a weekend here I want to end the week on a light heart-warming song. Here is the chorus part of the song, hope you will like it.

Where do broken hearts go?

Can they find their way home

Back to the open arms

Of a love that's waiting there?

And, if somebody loves you

Won't they always love you?

I look in your eyes

And I know that you still care for me

Who Is Afraid of the Homo?

A few days ago, I received an email in my yahoogroups regarding a gay agenda ad being propagated on the internet. The gay agenda was about raising consciousness on the topic of homophobia with a catchy slogan above saying that "sexual orientation is not a choice". I was alarmed and disgusted by the fact that this group is espousing their belief that being gay is predetermined at birth. I beg to disagree.

I have just finished reading the booklet entitled Same Sex Attraction: Catholic Teaching and Pastoral Practice by Fr. John F. Harvey, O.S.F.S. I would like to quote some relevant texts there pertaining to the above topic particularly on the factors contributing to the formation of the person with SSA (same sex attraction).

Factor#1: An inability of the child to identify with the gender of the same sex parent. It says here that a little boy needs to communicate and identify with his father and a little girl likewise with her mother. Personally, I believe this is one contributing factor to my having an SSA. I failed to establish a solid connection with my father because of so many compounding issues. For one, my father is very athletic in his youth and I am not. It could have been a great bonding moment between me and my father had I been like him in that aspect.

Factor#2: An overweaning relationship with the opposite-sex parent. Being somewhat distant from my father, I gravitated towards my mom especially during my schooldays because she was a gradeschool teacher.

Factor#3: An inability to identify with peers of the same sex during childhood and adolescence. I suggest you read my article "No Girlfriend Since Birth" why I failed to establish connection with my peers.

Factor#4: Emotional abuse (including neglect) or sexual trauma. There might have been some level of emotional abuse that I suffered as I was growing up but I am thankful I was shielded from experiencing any sort of sexual trauma or abuse from anybody. If so, that would have made things worse for me I believe.

Gay Since Birth?

Based on the above explanations, it can be deduced that the SSA condition is not something that begins at birth. Many factors can contribute to its development. The question of genetic factor has always been used by many unscrupulous gay activists in their desire to advance their homosexual agenda. But to date, the studies have been inconclusive and have not been replicated scientifically. Better luck next time.

I believe that much of the homophobia going around are largely brought about by the kind of lifestyle these people are living out rather than their sexual orientation per se. Fear arises because society at large does not understand the gay person. What we can do on this matter is to educate the public about the reality of homosexuality and that is what pro-chastity groups and ex-gay ministries have been doing for quite some time now. There is really nothing to fear as long as you do not give other people a reason to be scared of.

Give A Life

Charitable causes for children are the closest to my heart. I feel very sad everytime I see a street child begging for money in the streets or rummaging a pile of garbage in search of food. This has become a common sight these days. When I was a kid, there were not that many streetchildren roaming around. I feel blessed for not having to experience this painful reality of life, and so I want to be of help to them in my own little way. But there are also a group of children that we tend to neglect because we do not see them around. It is precisely because they are sick and they are poor. Most of the diseases that afflict these kids are treatable if only they have access to proper healthcare and medicines. We can do something. Give A Life is one foundation we can support to help the children especially the sick one.

What is Give A Life Foundation?

Give A Life Foundation is a children's charity for the underprivileged sick and dying in the Philippines. The primary goal is to replace and upgrade the equipment used in the pediatric wards. The foundation has also created a new cost-effective and efficient systems for access to medicines, like antibiotics, cancer drugs, medical supplies, disinfectant, and soap for the very poorest cases.

How can I help the poor children?

You can visit their website here for more information. You can also give your gift or donation by calling (+632) 899-1000. Their office is located at 1191 Vito Cruz Ext., Makati City 1200 Philippines. The Give A Life Foundation ensures that 100% of your donation will go to sick children in the pediatric wards in the Philippines.

The sick and dying children need your urgent help. Please help spread the word about the foundation.


When I approach a child, he inspires in me two sentiments: Tenderness for what he is, and respect for what he may become. - Louis Pasteur (1822-1895)

Maskman the Movie

I apologize for not being able to upload the Best of Five Maskman series. I had some difficulty uploading the videos. Nevertheless, I am posting here Maskman the Movie. It's great to watch too. What I find most amusing here is that they can all dance, especially Takeru (Red Mask). He seems to have a talent for dancing(wink!). I hope you enjoy these two-part videos.









Sayonara!

Healing Presence

I just want to share this Prayer for Healing of Addictions by Ms. Maribi M. Garcia. This little prayer booklet is available at your nearest St. Paul's bookstore for only ten bucks. For all those who are struggling with addictions I hope you can find time to say this prayer.

Lord Jesus, I come before You, calling on You in a very special way. I come before You trusting in Your power and great love for me. I come with expectant faith and hope that you will not forsake me in my prayer for healing as I am in bondage, enslaved by an addiction to (name the addiction) and I am in dire need of Your help. Please enter now into my heart and soul and touch all the areas in my life that need Your healing love, especially the root causes of my addiction. Heal all unresolved traumatic experiences from my past, fill with your Divine love all deprivations and needs that were not met during my significant developmental stages. Release me from all inherited destructive patterns in my family tree and bloodlines, and from my present environment that could be influencing or encouraging this addictive behavior. Cut off all links to all the sources and causes of my addiction. Lead me by the hand to all the right people who can help me in this healing process and deliver me from this addiction. Let Your Holy Spirit enter into my body, mind and spirit and be filled with Your love, peace, and joy. Let Your Spirit dwell within to strengthen and empower me to overcome this addiction completely, totally and permanently. In the name of the Most Blessed Trinity, Father, Son and the Holy Spirit, with the intercession of Mary and all the angels and saints, I claim your victory in delivering me from this addiction and surrender to you my whole life. Amen.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. - Phil 4:13

Confessions

Last Sunday, I prepared myself for our community's Sacrament Sunday - a monthly gathering where we come to experience anew healing and renewal through the sacraments. It's an occasion too for seeing my fellow brothers who I do not get use to see that often. Father Confessor arrived around 2 pm. When it was my turn to confess I took a deep breath. It is always like this - I feel very anxious whenever I step inside the confessional room face to face with Father Confessor. I guess it's only normal to feel some jitters but Fr. Confessor made me feel at ease. Confession is a moment of grace. I just need to be open and trusting.

Father forgive me for I have sinned. My last confession was last Holy Week and since then I committed the following sins. For the past few weeks I was struggling with unchaste thoughts most of the time. This often led me to have recourse to online gay pornography - pictures and videos of men - from the alluring and seductive poses to the most perverted sensual depravity. After viewing porn I would often masturbate, sometimes daily though there were times that I was sober. In the past week or so I also went cruising inside the malls looking for "some action." I spent many hours wandering around and often staying in men's restroom waiting for somebody who would be willing to do it. There was even this guy whom I had a close encounter with wherein I touched his private part. I felt sorry and ashamed of myself afterwards.

I also want to confess that I already left my Marian community in my parish temporarily. I informed them that I needed some time to straighten things out. I did that because I feel I'm becoming a big hypocrite. I really needed time to face my issues. I feel ashamed because I could not even live up to the expectations of my Marian community. I don't even have the discipline to pray the Rosary everyday which I should and I always act differently whenever I am with them. It's not the real me so I hope Our Lady understands and I know She does. Lastly, I'm sorry for being so impatient with the people around me and with my work. I guess that's all I could say for now.

If you happened to eavesdrop inside you would hear these same words from me. After this, Father Confessor gave me some advice regarding my addictions. He stressed to me the importance of having a stable prayer life, support group, the Sacraments, spiritual readings, and looking for "good" people to develop a healthy relationship with. What he meant was I needed to deal with my "intimacy" issue. He said that could be one of the reasons why I went around cruising inside the mall looking for other guys. Bullseye. I just nodded and acknowledged this fact. I really needed to work out and develop my relationships with others. After this, he gave me penance which is to spend some quiet time before the Blessed Sacrament for 15 minutes. He made me recite the Acts of Contrition afterwards and then he pronounced these most comforting words: "I absolve you from your sins." to which I replied Amen.

I left the Confessional feeling relieved and with a renewed sense of hope. God has forgiven me of my sins and I can now freely receive Him in the Eucharist a little later.

As a struggling person I always find myself in need of the sacraments, and I consider myself fortunate for having the opportunity to receive the sacraments at least once a month. I am also thankful that I have a fixed confessor who also is in a sense my spiritual director whom I can go to on a regular basis. Whenever I attend mass outside of my small community, I can't help but be astonished on so many faithful receiving the Eucharist when only very few of them have recourse to the sacrament of reconciliation. Whenever I feel that I've done something terribly wrong, I do not receive the Eucharist at Mass. I just sit there and pray. I have a great fear of committing sacrilege and offending the Lord all the more by receiving Him unworthily and so I content myself with communing with Him spiritually until the next Sacrament Sunday arrives and I get myself to avail of the Sacrament of Penance.

I am sharing this thing because I notice that some people who can avail themselves easily of the Sacrament of Penance do not take advantage of it fully. I dare say that they lose many graces by doing so. Receiving the Sacrament of Penance at least once a month is how the late Pope John Paul the Great defined "frequent reception". In my spiritual life, very few things can compare with the experience of surrendering my miseries and being forgiven afterwards. God knows I am weak but as long as I trust in His mercy I will keep coming back to the embrace of my loving Father.

"For this son of mine was dead and has come to life again; he was lost and has been found.' And they began to celebrate." - Luke 15:24

Best of Five Maskman Series

[The Maskman Fighters (from left to right: Adrian/Blue Mask, Lenard/Black Mask, Commander Sugata/Chokan, Michael Joe/Red Mask, Eloisa/Yellow Mask, and Mary Rose/Pink Mask)]

Hello again to all sentai fans! Please watch out for the Best of Five Maskman Series in my blog. This 5-part Maskman Series will feature each main character at their best - from Michael Joe (Red Mask) down to Mary Rose (Pink Mask) plus Igamu, my favorite villainess.

You will not find these videos on YouTube (hehe!) so you better watch out.

Arigato gozaimasu!

Belated Thanks!

I just want to thank all the people who greeted me before, on, and after my birthday especially Ms. LL of QC, Ms. LR of QC, Mr. R of Manila, Mr. AG, Mr. IC, Mr. RO, Mr. JH, Mr NTs, Mr. RdR, Mr. SB, Mr. CO, and my bestfriend RJM who only remembered it was my birthday after I reminded him through text (grrrr!). He apologized though coz he's been depressed lately (huh!). I hope I did not miss out anybody. Your thoughtfulness is very much appreciated. I guess I have to take note of other people's birthdays too from now on. It's a very small thing but to some it means a lot. Again, thanks to all of you guys. Rest assured you will not be featured in a blind item in my blog (ala Da Who? portion of a popular Saturday afternoon showbiz-oriented talk show! hahaha!). For those who haven't greeted me yet, you have until the end of this month to do so or else...(just kidding).

Special thanks to "Piologs" (Piolo's clone) , my online chitchat friend. We were chatting two nights ago about my new blog. He was the first one to suggest to me to put up a blind item section in my blog to spice up everything. I laughed at his suggestion. I think I replied to him that he'll be the first one to be featured here and he said, "good luck"! Ha! Blame the infamous Brian Gorrell who started it all. Anyway, he also had another suggestion. I confided to Piologs my plan to feature true-to-life stories of PLUs (people like us) and he liked the idea. He wanted it MMK (Maalaala Mo Kaya) style but this time it would be "Dear Ate Charing".

Nice one Piologs. I'll think about your crazy suggestions. =)

Law of Universal Gravitation

Let's talk about Physics this time, my favorite subject back in highschool (yikes, nerdie!) The theory of universal gravitation was first formulated in Sir Isaac Newton's work Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica (thanks Wikipedia for this info). Simply put, the theory states that every object in the universe attracts every other object with a force directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance separating them. Stated algebraically:

F = G ma*mb/r2

where:

F is the magnitude of the gravitational force between the two masses

G is the gravitational constant with a value of 6.67 x 10-II Nm2/kg2

ma is the mass of the first point mass

mb is the mass of the second point mass

r is the distance between the two point masses

A certain professor was lecturing on this topic before an engineering class when a student raised his hand and commented: "I don't think Newton's law is that universal, because it cannot be applied with God as the other object." Strengthening his argument, he continued: "Nobody has seen God and therefore His mass cannot be determined, or at least be approximated. This being so, the numerator of Newton's equation will yield zero and the force of attraction to the teaching of my religion that God loves us all very much; hence He must be attracted to us with a great force, musn't He?

The professor wanted to make his query a class assignment but he was certain that it would definitely frustrate the students so he was obliged to present his views.

The wise prof said, "Indeed, God loves us all, and while we have but only one God, He exists as God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Jesus, God the Son, was sent to earth as human being and lived as a mortal person without sin among us; therefore, His mass can somehow be approximated. Now, if God's existence as the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are identical, then by the transitive property of an equation, the mass of God in Newton's formula can very well be substituted with that of Jesus', making the equation plausible this time. Pondering on the Universal Law of Gravitation, it can vividly be seen that the farther we are from Jesus, the weaker our attraction to Him becomes. As we continue to live against His plans, the lesser we are attracted to God. Surely, God does not approve of this. The option for us to be attracted to Jesus with greater or lesser force is for us to decide, but have I cleared your doubt about the law?" Without hesitation the student replied, "Yes sir, truly, God's love is universal."

So, there is a scientific basis why I should avoid the occasions and places of sins - because the nearer I put myself to it, the greater is its pull on me unless God's grace prevents me from falling into it. I must not of course presume that God's grace will be at hand always especially when I willfully put myself in danger.

It makes sense to me.

(Source: Ancilla Domini, a publication by the Contemplatives of the Two Hearts of Jesus and Mary)

Not Ready Yet

I finally got a reply from Anonymous Guy, the one I featured in my earlier article entitled A Ray of Hope.

Hey,

Thanks for this, really. I still have some reservations (as I told you), about meeting up. Ironic, though, because if this were a meeting of a "different" sort, I'd jump on the opportunity in an instant. This just tells me there's a lot more for me to work on.

Please bear with me, though. I did save your number, just so I can text you when I find the inspiration to.

Be well, bro, and God bless.

Perhaps, it is not yet his time. Maybe Anonymous Guy just had some realizations when he read the article I posted in an online forum site and it was not deep enough for him to make a 180 degree turn.

Did I not just post St. Augustine's prayer the other day? "Make me chaste O Lord, but not yet."

How true...how true.

Life Begins at 30

I'm now 30 years old and I'm freaking out really. My mom was the first one to greet me this morning. "Happy Birthday anak!" I just smiled back. Then she added, "Malapit ka na mawala sa kalendaryo!" (Read: It's high time to start your own family now. You are not getting any younger) My sister, who was beside her, quipped, "Naku, 31 ka na kuya!" (Grrrr!)

What a way to start my day. Well, I just shrugged it off and the first thing I did today was to visit a nearby church to attend mass. Birthdays are days of thanksgiving too you know. I think this will be the first and the last time that I will be blogging about my birthday because from now on I refuse to grow old. Yes, you read it right. From now on, I will be forever 30 years old. Period. Hah! You see this is why I don't look forward to birthdays anymore - it makes me insane.

I still remember when I was a kid that birthdays are "privileged" days - meaning just for one day nobody can force me to wash the dishes or run errands outside the house to buy a bottle of toyo just because it is my birthday. It is a custom that we observe in the house. It's that one day in the year when you are exempted from all household chores and of course on top of that I have a brand new shirt, toy, and my favorite snacks. But now, since I'm earning already, I have to buy my own cake. (I just bought a Choco Marjolaine cake from Red Ribbon.) No more gifts and of course no more toys. In fairness though my mom cooked a sumptuous spaghetti for everyone in the house. I think I need to buy some ice cream too later. (sigh)

On my birthday today I just want to be thankful for a lot of things. First, I'm thankful that I'm healthy and my family is intact. I have the basic necessities of life - food, clothing, shelter, and cellphone loads (these things are becoming a little bit of a luxury these days. Not everyone has all these things especially now that times are hard). I am thankful that I have a job that lets me earn money to buy the things I want. (I earn just enough). I'm grateful of the people around me who support me in my struggles and friends I can talk and share my problems with. I thank the Lord for being there always. (though I can't feel His presence most of the time but I know He is there) The list can go on and on. See, there is something to look forward to afterall.

I believe there is much to look forward to. It's a great consolation for me to know that our dear Lord began His ministry when he was 30. He waited this long for Him to do His mission and so all the years that passed by served the purpose of molding Him and preparing Him for His great mission. I would like to think of the same way with me. I believe I also have a mission in life and it is only beginning to unfold now.

I cannot wait to reach 40 to live the life I want...because for me life begins at 30.

Carpe diem!


(P.S.: By the way I forgot to mention my birthday wish - I want a digicam (wink!)

Courage on Sunday Night Live

I have been looking for the actual video footage of the interview of Fr. John Harvey and Fr. Paul Check over Sunday Night Live on EWTN hosted by Fr. Benedict Groeschel. Good thing though I have found a podcast link of the interview.

Those who want to listen to the interview, please click here

and click on play. This seems much better than a video footage because the audio plays continuously and there is no buffering.

Here is a quote mentioned in the interview that reflects our struggle to be chaste:

"Make me chaste O Lord, but not yet". - St. Augustine (Confessions)

Just For Laughs

I just received this e-mail from a friend entitled Funniest Divorce Letter Ever. I had a great laugh. Sometimes we tend to take life too seriously, so here is something that I hope would put a smile on your face.

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.

Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER Carla and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!


...................................


Dear Ex-Husband -

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.


Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

Jog Your Way to Good Health

I am so blessed to have a place to jog every morning near my place. The place is beside Manila Bay (think of Baywalk) and very spacious. There is a place for aero buffs which are mostly comprised of women of all ages and a few guys too. While it is still dark, I would wake up at the sound of the alarm around 5 a.m. I tell you this is sometimes more difficult for me than the jogging itself! There were days that I have to force myself to get up and don my jogging suit. There was even a time I kept postponing the pesky cellphone alarm only to wake up at 7 in the morning. Fine. Why punish myself in the first place? Well, for a number of reasons.

1. I want to stay healthy and fit. Jogging is the easiest and cheapest way for me to be in shape. I just need a pair of comfortable shoes and shirt (and shorts too) and off I go. Metabolism tends to slow down as we age and although I do not consider myself old at 29, I still want to be fit and healthy for all that it is worth. There are many benefits you can get from jogging. It increases your energy level, tones your muscles especially the legs, relieves stress, and it makes you sweat (definitely) and therefore helps get rid of your body toxins.

2. I want to develop self-discipline. As I have mentioned above, getting up so early in the morning is hard for me especially if I slept late the night before. The self-discipline aspect of jogging not only entails that I jog for 45 to 60 minutes, it also means I have to discipline myself to get enough sleep the night before. It is hard really. Lately, I have been missing my jogging because I do not feel like jogging at all. I know I must resume my routine again and keep going (run, run, run!).

3. I have a sedentary lifestyle. I sit in front of the computer all day long. It has even become longer now that I'm blogging. My only physical exercise is to go to the bathroom everytime nature calls or go down to eat some merienda. Studies prove that a sedentary lifestyle is a MAJOR (take note) risk factor for a host of diseases like cardiovascular problems, diabetes, hypertension, obesity, etc. Scary. I may not be feeling it right now because I am young but if I keep myself like that for a little more time, then it is going to be payback time! Noooooo! (Okay, keep calm. It's not good for your health either).

4. I want to release sexual tension. Being sober for a week without masturbating, I feel a certain kind of tension building up inside my body. I don't know what it is. It's got to be the unreleased semen having a roller coaster ride inside my testicles looking for a way out! (those rats!) I believe that by engaging in any physical activity, it helps me in some way to control the tension buildup. I don't have any solid proof but I feel it is helping me in some way, and so this should be a great reason for me all the more to stay with my jogging routine.

But before anyone of you hit the jogging lane, please take this little piece of advice from me: If you are not sure about your health, consult a doctor first. And please, on your first jogging day, don't do what I did - I jogged for an hour nonstop as if some hungry cheetah was chasing me at full speed, and I ended up being so sore I could hardly walk up or down the stairs without feeling the "ouch". As a result, I was not able to jog for the next five days or so! Remember to warm up and do light stretching a little bit.

Here is a bonus: You get a free dose of the sunshine vitamin every morning. I just love looking at each sunrise. It makes me feel warm inside and it feels so good.

More bonus: You might accidentally find a cute jogging mate (hahaha!) - just kidding. Hey, mind your own business okay? Always have a bottle of water and towel handy.

Free Rice!

No, there are no NFA caravans going around to distribute free rice to the masses. I'm talking about a cool website that lets the visitor donate rice everytime he gets the word right. That is right, you and I can do something to fight hunger by visiting FreeRice.com.

What is FreeRice.com?

FreeRice is a sister site of the world poverty site, Poverty.com. The site has two goals namely to provide English vocabulary for free and help end world hunger by providing rice to hungry people for free which is made possible by the sponsors who advertise on the site. If you want to find out more, please visit the FAQ section of FreeRice.

Rice prices are on the rise - globally! If you go around the local markets, you will find out that rice prices have risen to as much as 50%! Oh no, goodbye to commercial rice and hello to NFA rice (or corn?). No more extra rice, too. We all know that many people depend on rice as their staple and if the prices keep going up, the ones who will suffer most are no other than the marginalized and poor among us. To a parent watching his or her child die in their arms from hunger, the rice that we give them is more precious than anything in the world.

We can do something. There is still such a thing as "free lunch" afterall, but only if everyone is willing to care and share. Ask Ms. KC Concepcion (Hi, KC!).

So the $64 question for me is why write about a social issue like this. My $64 dollar answer is that there is a bigger world out there. My struggle is just a piece in a puzzle - a not so tiny one but nevertheless just a single piece. There is so much more I can offer to make the world a better place. Ask Ms. KC Concepcion again. (feeling close?)

Visit FreeRice now.

A Ray of Hope

I recently got this private message from a forum reader. This is in connection with the article I have here entitled: Safe Sex Illusion. I posted this very same article in a popular online forum and I was delighted to receive this private message from an anonymous guy. While reading his message I felt his struggle. He finds himself trapped but at the same time is hopeful that one day he will "see the light." Read on.

Hi there, bro. I don't know where to start. I agree with everything. Admittedly though, agreeing is different from actually subscribing to it. I also visited your website, and I noticed what you are about, and I must say, more than anytime in my life so far, it struck a chord within me.

I am what people in community call "struggling." Problem is, I haven't really owned up to it yet. More than anything, it's actually pride that's keeping me back. I belong to one of those Catholic Christian groups, a semi-active member at that. And yet, "this" is keeping me from really going forward with my personal relationship with God. What is "this," you may ask? For quite a while, I was actually a very passive non-straight. However, over the past 6 months, I've gone down this path of promiscuity that I'm not quite sure I want to reverse.

Truth be told, the hardest thing for me right now is, I don't know what I really want. My community actually has a similar group for "struggling" brothers, but, like I said, I'm not really comfortable outing myself to these people. It's shameful, I know - after all, it's pride that's keeping me from being truthful. And yet, I really can't bring myself to be open about this. I hope one day soon, I'll see the light - but I hope it won't be too late.

With that, can you please keep in the loop with what you guys are doing? While I'm still rational (right now), I want to make sure that I have this lifeline to hold on to. My e-mail addie is (e-mail address withheld by me). Hope it's not too much. And so, I congratulate you, and urge you on for what you've started. Believe you me, the world needs more people like you. You will be in my prayers, and I hope I will be in yours.

Anonymous Guy

I e-mailed this guy already but still waiting for his response. My sincerest prayer goes out to this guy. Many among us are confused and do not know where to go for help. I pray that this guy finds his God-given purpose.

Anne Rice: From Atheism to Catholicism

I was surprised to find out that Anne Rice, author of the Vampire Chronicles series, had converted from atheism to Catholicism. Back in college, I was a fan of Anne Rice's novels. I have read her books Interview with the Vampire, The Vampire Lestat, Queen of the Damned, etc.

Rice has nailed her vampire novels into a coffin for good."I will never write those kind of books again -- never," Rice said. She further said that her books about witches and dark angels "were reflections of a world that didn't include redemption."

"In 2002 I made up my mind that I would not write anything that wasn't for Christ," the former vampire novelist explained. Her latest book "Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt" tells the story of a young Jesus from his point of view: a 7-year-old boy who is discovering his powers and his identity.

In an interview about her conversion, Rice said "It was a personal conversion. After 38 years of being an atheist, faith came back to me. I had to stop writing about vampires, because they had been a metaphor for lost souls. Instead, I made up my mind to concentrate on Jesus Christ."

"Once you really convert, if you really are meaning this, then I think you can perceive the whole world as permeated by his divine providence," she says. "God is as much with the person who drowns in a boating accident as he is with the person who is saved."

Wow! Take that from a former vampire queen. I will try to feature more of her latest book here in the coming days. I'm amazed at how God's grace is at work here. Indeed, the real miracle is the one that takes place in the person's heart.

Her latest book Christ the Lord she says is dedicated to her gay son.

Filters Are Not Enough

I have been using an internet filter for quite some time now and I could say it is very effective in minimizing my exposure to internet pornography. Great job K9! In my case, I have discovered a way around the filter unfortunately. Recently, my PC got reformatted so that means I have to reinstall the internet filter again. This time I know the password! hah! Before, I even invited a friend over to my place so he can install the filter with his set of password. Now, I have yet to find an accountability partner if I ever want to seriously overcome my porn addiction.

Here's the thing. When you install the K9 filter, make sure your buddy will do that for you. He will provide the "password" and both of you must agree to use your buddy's e-mail address during registration. Why? Because if you use your own e-mail address, you can bypass the filter by requesting a temporary password and this will be sent to your e-mail address.

So now you get it. No more cheating this time. Here is where the importance of an accountability partner comes in. It is difficult to do it all by yourself. You need help. I need help. A priest confessor once counseled me that the best filter is the "heart filter". The internet filter he says is fine, but it can only do as much. I agree.

So for those of you who want to install this free antiporn/filtering software, please click on this link: K9 Web Protection

Good bye porn! (fingers crossed)

Maskman my Immortal

Growing up in the 80's, I was a huge fan of sentai like Maskman. I love their suits, their weapons, and their battle machines! The show got a rich plot with numerous subplots and characters that constantly evolve as each episode goes by. The stunts and action sequences were definitely amazing and realistic. I can still remember imitating these characters when I was a kid minus the transformation of course.

On the flip side I have a huge crush on Lenard/Kenta (Black Mask). He was this studly guy and "chickboy" type character. I also like Michael Joe/Takeru (Red Mask) as well. Kenta is lighthearted but tough. Takeru is the usual and ever dependable protector of his teammates. Both of them got good looks and appeal. This video is about their love interests, which I believe made Maskman not just an action-packed sentai flick.

This video is for all people who grew up in the 80's era and particularly to all Maskman fans. Enjoy watching the video.


Aura Mask!

A Decision to Heal

Hey guys, I got this excerpt from an interview with Ansel Beluso by Ms. Rissa Singson-Kawpeng, editor of Kerygma magazine. I am amazed by the transformation that this person has gone through. He is now a husband and father of two kids. Wow, simply amazing! Watch his video at the right side of the panel.

Ever since his decision to reclaim his manhood more than six years ago, Ansel Beluso never again looked back to the rabidly active homosexual lifestyle he once led. In that colorfully gay world of show business, he started out as a movie reporter and, later, a writer-director-host of local television's top rating showbiz-oriented talk shows in the 80s and 90s. For five years, he totally uprooted himself from the biz and he poured himself into rebuilding his broken relationship with God in the bosom of Couples for Christ, a global family renewal community for which he worked as a full-time pastoral worker and missionary. Here are some of the insights that I picked up from his interview:

Interviewer: Many Christian homosexuals desire to change but, according to them, it is impossible. But cases such as yours provide hope and inspiration. How did you do it?

Ansel: I think the Christian homosexual should desire not change but healing. Change usually implies turning from homosexuality to heterosexuality, but healing means journeying from sinfulness to a life with God.

Interviewer: How does the process of transformation begin?

Ansel: The decision to step out of homosexuality must grow from a sincere desire to follow God founded on the belief that His way is not only the best way but the only way to reach one's potential and be genuinely happy. I mention this because there are those whose decision to give up the gay lifestyle is influenced by considerations other than true repentance. They usually end up more gay, more sinful and, therefore, more miserable than ever before.

Interviewer: Any last words?

Ansel: To the homosexuals who see nothing wrong with the lifestyle they pursue, I have only the highest respect for the choice and decision you have made with your life. I just hope you can also find it in you to similarly respect the choice and decision of those who seek a different path.To the Christian homosexuals desiring change, believe that God has sown in you the seed of renewal and restoration. There is hope. Believe you can do it by the grace of the Lord. And know that when you seek God with all your heart. He Himself will give you the grace to find Him.