Friday, April 25, 2008

Oops I Did It Again!

Yes, I must admit it. I have done it again for the nth time raised to the power of ten. I looked at porn for a brief moment and got carried away again in Neverland. Guess what happened later? I jacked off. Now I'm back to square one again. Good thing I did not go "all the way" as in watching gay porn video. So, I thought this week would be a great one like last week, but apparently the pressure (both inside and outside) proved too much for me so I gave in. I'm sorry.

You see it's not easy to be chaste to oneself. It really needs a lot of self-discipline. I'm writing this to show that "to know" what is right is one thing and "to desire" to do the right thing is another. It seems my problem lies on the "desiring to do the right thing" part, but that's okay. I will just get up and start all over again. I just don't want others to believe that I'm that strong. I do not walk around holding a lily in my hand with an invisible halo on my head.

Speaking of self-discipline, I was supposed to jog this morning. I set the alarm at 5 in the morning the night before. When it rang, my mind was still wandering in Fantasy Land, so I just turned off the alarm and dozed off for awhile until the sun came out. Too late. Maybe later this afternoon I can do a few sets of crunches. Whatever.

Thanks to the pop princess for the title of my post.


Anonymous said...

Let me suggest in doing "the right thing" you be TRUE TO YOURSELF and stop fighting your own nature. You aren't winning.
"unto thy self be true"

Oops you did it again....Please give me a break! Face the truth about yourself and get on with your life. Stop playing games with yourself and us.

GoingStraight said...

Thanks for your opinion and I respect it. I'm just quite puzzled with your definition about being "TRUE TO YOURSELF". If by that you mean giving in to a lustful way of living which is one of my struggles, I beg to differ. My struggles DON'T define who I am and so I believe that giving in to them does not make me a whole and complete person.

Im not playing games with you or with myself - that is just a waste of time. Instead, I'm trying to find out ways to live up to my true and "higher" calling.

Thanks again for dropping by...hope you respect my opinions too. God bless.